On Monday I opened up my email and saw an item from someone in our senior management office entitled, “Sad News”. The email informed me that a co-worked I have known for nearly 10 years had passed away suddenly over the weekend. I knew she had some health issues but I had just talked to her Thursday and we had a tentative appointment to discuss some training in the next few days. She didn’t seem to be expecting to die anytime soon. I assumed it was a stroke, heart attack, or blood clot as these seem so common these days and are things that can crop up without warning. I was saddened, and told my wife about the passing because my wife knew her and had made her cookies on several occasions. Our cubes were next door to each other for years and previous to covid we talked every day and worked on projects together.
A few hours after getting the news of her passing, I just happened to check the local news just to see what was going on in the world that day, and I noticed a headline about a triple homicide that happened Friday. I had seen the initial report Friday afternoon. This updated headline said the people involved had been identified. I opened it and never expected it was connected, but then plain as day I saw my coworker’s name, her sister’s name and a third individual connected to her sister. I don’t know what happened but it appears the third individual killed my co-worker, her sister, and then himself.
My co-worker was an older lady, aged 60. She enjoyed doll shows, dogs, theater, good food, and rock n’ roll style mega churches. When my back was out she brought me a bunch of muscle relaxers that were packaged nicely and I realized that a bunch of older women at work were trading pills, not for money but just because sometimes you need a pill you can’t get. She always talked about her family and seemed like a classic big sister even though she wasn’t the oldest. The sister she died with was the youngest, and if I know her I bet she was there taking care of whatever was going on in her sister’s life.
Key Take-Aways
Violence is unlikely, and because of that, it can happen when we least expect it. We train and prepare for unlikely events all the time by wearing seat belts, using bike helmets, buying insurance, having a go-bag, making a will or trust, or creating a medical directive. It makes sense to also include making sure you’re prepared for the unlikely event that you will be faced with extreme violence. You need to know well beforehand if you are capable of using force against an attacker if it means possibly killing them and saving the lives of yourself and those around you. You will not have time to figure this out while being attacked. You need to be mentally prepared to stop the threat, and to also render aid, if successful.
When you need help, the Police are minutes away when seconds count. I don’t know if anything could have been done to save my friend after she was shot, but what I do know is that it took the police over an hour to reach her after they were called. This is just a reality of how law enforcement works. They can’t and won’t run in to save another person until they can do it safely. They can’t put the public or themselves at undue risk. What that means is as a victim you are at the mercy of your own training and skill level.
While my friend’s condition was unknown, potentially still alive and fighting for her life, here are the things the police had to do prior to attempting a rescue: 1) arrive on scene 2) establish a command post 3) establish a perimeter 4) put on body armor 5) wait for the swat team to arrive 6) evacuate the building and nearby units 7) wait for the drone team to arrive 8) attempt to make announcements 9) attempt to make contact with a cellphone 10) attempt to look into the apartment with drones 11) maneuver the armored vehicle and position a sniper 12) assemble the breach teams 13) breach the building and secure the room. Only then after all if this could medics enter. As I said earlier, these are all the things the police must do to handle a barricaded and armed suspect. This process took well over an hour. If you are suffering from a gunshot wound you may have only minutes to survive.
While bad things happen and we don’t have full control over our lives, one thing we can do is take responsibility for our own security. Carry a med kit, learn basic first aid, be vigilant, and when faced with violence be mentally and physically equipped to respond to that violence with every ounce of force that is required to stop the threat.
I don’t have any details of what happened leading up to the incident, but what I do know is most people never think that someone they know or care for is going to take their life. The sad reality is most murder victims, and especially women, personally know their killers. If you’re in a bad situation, get help to get out of it before it’s too late.
Of course, Sometimes no matter how prepared we are, we still end up a victim. That’s life in this world, but ultimately when the unexpected happens, we will have limited time and resources to deal with a rapidly evolving situation and we may be on our own.